[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

what I was about to do.
 Don t blame you for fucking my lover while I m away? Don t
blame you for exposing me to some sexually transmitted Mad Cow
Disease? Or don t blame you for running naked down my hallway
begging me not to shoot you? And with that I reached into my briefcase
for a gun well, she thought it was a gun. It was actually my car keys.
 Brice, please don t! Clare screamed.
The woman flung herself back against the wall, gasped, gathered
energy, and charged me, apparently thinking she was about to be
killed.
 I m out of here! she yelled and dashed past me, but not before I
swung my briefcase like a bowling ball into her kneecap. She drew up
short, howling, Clare alongside her now bawling, the two of them in
harmony like coyotes on a moonlit night.
" 43 "
ANDREWS & AUSTIN
 You stay, I m going, I said flatly.  It will save me having to burn
the sheets.
I could hear Clare whimpering my name and pattering after me on
the wood floors as I left the house, slammed the door behind me, and
backed the car out of the driveway and, in demolition-derby fashion,
smacked it into the cherry red convertible whose owner I now knew.
I was happy about the crunching metal and the hours cowgirl would
spend in the body shop with a mechanic whose biggest smile would
most likely emerge from the back of his pants.
" 44 "
MISTRESS OF THE RUNES
CHAPTER FIVE
adge opened her door after my loud and urgent knocking
Mand stood there in her long silk pj s staring at me with a
twisted smile.
 I just got in on the red-eye and caught Clare with another
woman.
 How great is that! Madge said, rubbing her hands together with
more-than-obvious glee.  You re free and it happened surgically. Cut,
amputate, done!
 Why didn t I know this was going on? I asked as she held the
door for me, signaled me to take a seat on the couch, then went to the
kitchen to pour me tea.
 Because you re not in tune. You re a smart, talented executive,
but when it comes to women, you re thick, Brice, she stated as merely
fact.
 Well, when I m done, I m done. And nothing gets me done faster
than being somebody s seconds! Maybe Clare s fucking the entire
ladies basketball squad, for God s sake! I should go get checked. I
was pacing and snorting and stomping around like a horse in a stall.
 She said she didn t need sex in her life the way I do. Here I thought
she was freaking asexual, and she was only freaking asexual for me!
 It all brings back terrible memories of my blue-fronted Amazon
parrot who bit through my finger to the bone on the first day I had him.
If I answered the phone, or spoke to someone, he screamed, shook his
mammoth cage condo off the table, and shredded all the newspaper
flooring in a rage. I was convinced he was insane, and I knew I had to
keep him to save him from being killed by someone less tolerant. Then
" 45 "
ANDREWS & AUSTIN
one day, my nerves could no longer take the screaming not being
able to speak above his shriek so I gave him to a medical doctor
who called that night to say my bird bathed with him in the shower
and sang  Yankee Doodle Dandy. My parrot who had dive-bombed
me and shredded my scalp until it bled sat happily on the naked doctor
while he showered, and serenaded him with  Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Here I was trying to save the bird, and it was trying to tell me that it
hated me and wanted to move on. Jesus, Clare is my parrot!
A long pause.  If that works for you, good, Madge said, tilting
her head to one side and peering at me not unlike a large bird.  You
need some help getting your stuff out of there?
 No, it ll be fine. Clare is nothing if not civil, I said, thinking of
how many boring, civil evenings I d had with Clare.
I ducked as my peau de soie dress shoes came flying across the
room at my head and Clare shrieked at me like a blue-fronted Amazon.
 You don t want to talk it over, great! You just want to walk out, great!
Get the fuck out of my house!
She had been crying for two hours and looked absolutely horrific.
It flashed through my mind that I had never seen Clare do anything but
mist up, and here she was wailing. It was shocking to hear her utter the
word  fuck because, in addition to never doing it, she never said it.
 Frankly, I don t give a shit how upset you are, darling, I said
archly, moving at a slow and deliberate pace.  You, and not I, were
found fucking some cunt in the bed in which I sleep! I whirled and
put my face within an inch of hers, wondering if I would actually strike
her and deciding I should leave rather than develop a bad habit like
battery.  You who never looks up from her sheet music apparently
found time to go down on a cow! The bovine jockey shorts were the
piece de resistance they make her ass look like a Gateway Computer
box.
 You re never here and we don t talk! Brice, I love you.
 And you demonstrate that by butt-fucking some bovine in
boxers? It was a crude remark but I was mortified, embarrassed, and
not myself.
I picked up my dress shoes, stuffed them into the last bag, and
" 46 "
MISTRESS OF THE RUNES
said the movers would arrive in an hour to collect the boxes and my
furniture. My computer was already safely in my car, and with that, I
left Clare squawking in the foyer.
Exhausted, disgusted, and angry, I drove in deeply ponderous
silence to the Chinese drive-thru and grabbed dinner for Madge and
me. She d offered to put me up until I d found a place to stay. Having
already called one of the townhouse communities that had rentals, I
knew I d be in within a day or two. That s one thing money can do for
me make the tactical aspects of crises more easily manageable.
The kid at the drive-thru took my order, then eyed the backseat of
my car jammed with clothes and high-tech gear, books, and a tricycle
horse.
 You move? he asked.
 No, just taking my stuff for a ride, I said sourly, thinking of Jeff
Foxworthy.
I phoned my office, lying to Jane about not feeling well and
blaming the plane s air-vent system. The only remaining issue was
telling Jane I had a new address. I hated telling her anything. I had
hired her upon learning that her boss had been fired and she was about
to be summarily dismissed because of her age, although the age issue
was not overtly discussed. Jane had been with me for only a few weeks [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]