[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

orried about that or much of anything for a time. I breathed in and out, as i
f to clear myself of the dusty taste of that suddenly stifling room.
"Mr. Jonathan?"
Bloody hell, I wanted to be alone.
Jericho came up, wearing a worried face.
"What is it?"
One of his eyebrows quirked. "I'm aware of what passed between you and Mr
. Barrett."
Yes, he'd been standing right behind us, busy as usual with the punch bowl.
Of course, he'd have heard everything. But could he have heard my very tho
ughts? He had a reputation for such in the servant's hall.
"Your father is a very great man," he stated.
More thought divination? No, but Jericho had correctly read my reactions.
Having known me since birth, he'd instantly understood what had been set o
ff by Father's most casual remark.
"He is a wise man, too."
"I'm glad you think it," I said roughly.
"But a wise man only becomes so after making mistakes."
"So Father marrying Mother was a mistake?"
"Your judgment of him is."
As soon as his words were out, I was flooded with shame and dropped my he
ad. "I'm sorry."
"Your father is human, Mr. Jonathan. As is mine. As are all fathers, all paren
ts."
"Yes, I know that. I've always known that, but tonight it just seemed to hit me
all at once, all over."
"No children are ever happy to learn about the true vulnerability of their pa
rents. It shakes their world up too much."
That's what had happened, I thought. "You're exactly right. I've been very s
tupid about the whole business."
This time Jericho remained diplomatically silent. For a while. "It is rather col
d, sir."
"So Beldon said to me a moment ago. Very well." I let him lead the way ba
ck to the house. We stamped the snow from our feet.
"Will I look at him the same as before, though, I wonder."
He shook his head. "Never. But this time it will be with more understanding
."
He returned to his duties as I eventually did to mine.
No one had missed us, apparently. The party was going well. Beldon was with
Mother and Lady Caroline and saying something amusing. Both were smiling,
though Mother's smile, as ever, was a brittle one. I don't think she had an
y kind of a sense of humor, but at least Beldon was trying. Elizabeth and N
orwood were still in the corner, discussing all kinds of things, probably.
Cousin Anne was alone at the tea table, so I went to her for a bit of compa
ny.
She reached for the teapot, but faltered, seeing that I had no cup.
"Had my fill ages ago," I told her, "but thank you very kindly."
"A single cup fills you?"
I shrugged amiably and changed the subject. "Enjoying that play, I hope?"
Her eyes glazed as she searched her memory, then brightened. "Oh, the one y
ou gave me? Yes, very much. Some of the language was very antique, but it w
as quite interesting. I went back the next day and got another one to read.
He's a bit confusing in language until one gets used to it, and then it ab
ruptly makes sense. I seem to know exactly what he means, once I've worked
things out. But people didn't really talk like that then, did they?"
I thought that Rapelji might provide her with a better answer and looked ar
ound for him before recalling that he was probably still in the library wit
h Father. As I started to form my own opinion for her, the gentleman himsel
f came into the room. The energy that constantly propelled him through mont
hs of rigorous labor pounding knowledge into stubborn skulls had suddenly d
eserted him. He seemed to have just enough strength to totter a few steps i
n and then had to grab the back of a chair to support himself. He was very
white.
He'd been so quiet that no one had noticed but me as I just happened to be fa
cing in the right direction. The dreadful
expression on his face went straight to my heart. Something was wrong, wr
ong, wrong.
"The doctor," he whispered. "Where's Beldon?" Now others stirred and looked
over, but I paid them no mind as I was rushing out the door for the library.
Had I been breathing regularly, I'd have been choked with terror. Instead,
clawing and clutching, the stuff invaded my brain and body like a swift, icy
fever.
The fever did not abate, but increased its numbing effect on my mind, as I s
trode into the library and found Father stretched out on the settee. I calle
d to him, but, disturbingly, he did not respond. He might have been taking a
nap, but he was much too still and slack. His mouth was open, but his lips
and skin had a blue cast to them that turned my cold fear into frosty panic.
I was unable to move, and barely heard or felt Beldon pushing past me to ge
t to him.
He loosened Father's neckcloth immediately, then pressed an ear to his chest t
o listen to his heart. I could hear its slow beat, noted his deep, slow breath
ing, but combined with his stillness, neither seemed . . . right.
Beldon shook Father's shoulders, trying to wake him, shouting his name as
though the man were across an open field, not right in front of him. The o
thers coming up behind me were greeted by this row, and worried questions
began to be whispered in tight little voices. "What's going on? What has h
appened?"
"Jonathan?" Elizabeth's voice managed to penetrate to me. She put a hand
on my arm.
I looked at her and saw a reflection of my own white and hollow-eyed face.
I turned and hugged her close for a moment, and that seemed to help.
"Someone get my box," Beldon ordered.
From the comer of my eye I saw Jericho sprint off, taking the stairs three at
a time.
Other orders were given and various servants rushed to obey him.
"Mr. Barrett."
This time he addressed me, not Father. I stepped forward.
"Help me get him to his feet."
"Is that wise, sir?"
"Just do it," he snapped. He was already trying to lift Father to a sitting
position. I helped him complete the job, and between us we got him standin
g. Father mumbled a protest at this liberty and tried to push us away. "We
must wake him up and keep him awake."
The three of us moved from the library into the larger hall like drunken sai
lors stumbling home from a debauch. The others parted out of our way, scuttl
ing off and collecting in corners like dust. Jericho hastily came downstairs
again with the box of medicines clutched in his arms. Beldon told him to pu
t it in the library and then return. When he did, Beldon had him take his pl
ace helping me with Father.
"What is wrong with Mr. Barrett?" Jericho whispered.
"I don't know," I whispered back, unable to trust myself to speak with a full
voice.
Back and forth we went, encouraging Father to walk and to wake up for us. He
shook his head at this, whether in denial or in an effort to comply, I coul
d not tell. His face was slack, but now and then a beatific smile spasmed ov
er it and he mumbled unintelligibly. Most of the time he was unaware of us,
virtually asleep on his feet.
Beldon, who had gone to the library, called Elizabeth in with him. She'd b
een watching our progress, in agony over the driving need to do something
and the utter lack of anything to do, and now fairly jumped at this chance
to help. They reappeared again, Beldon with a cup of something in his han
d and Elizabeth carrying a cloth and a basin one of the maids had been ord
ered to bring. We stopped pacing a moment and Beldon managed to get Father
to drink what was in the cup.
We resumed walking, with Elizabeth standing nearby. Not much time passed b
efore Father's body gave a frightening, uncontrolled jerk and he doubled o
ver. Biting her lips and with tears streaming unnoticed down her cheeks, E
lizabeth held the basin for him as he vomited into it. When he was finishe
d, Jericho and I had to support him completely. He
groaned, head drooping. Elizabeth tenderly wiped his mouth with the cloth, t [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]