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her own.
She was yet more impatient for another letter from town after receiving this, than she had been before;
and for a few days, was so unsettled by it altogether, by what had come, and what might come, that her
usual readings and conversation with Susan were much suspended. She could not command her attention
as she wished. If Mr. Crawford remembered her message to her cousin, she thought it very likely, most
likely, that he would write to her at all events; it would be most consistent with his usual kindness, and till
she got rid of this idea, till it gradually wore off, by no letters appearing in the course of three or four days
more, she was in a most restless, anxious state.
At length, a something like composure succeeded. Suspense must be submitted to, and must not be
allowed to wear her out, and make her useless. Time did something, her own exertions something more,
and she resumed her attentions to Susan, and again awakened the same interest in them.
Susan was growing very fond of her, and though without any of the early delight in books, which had
been so strong in Fanny, with a disposition much less inclined to sedentary pursuits, or to information for
information's sake, she had so strong a desire of not appearing ignorant, as with a good clear
understanding, made her a most attentive, profitable, thankful pupil. Fanny was her oracle. Fanny's
explanations and remarks were a most important addition to every essay, or every chapter of history.
What Fanny told her of former times, dwelt more on her mind than the pages of Goldsmith; and she paid
her sister the compliment of preferring her style to that of any printed author. The early habit of reading
was wanting.
Their conversations, however, were not always on subjects so high as history or morals. Others had
their hour; and of lesser matters, none returned so often, or remained so long between them, as Mansfield
Park, a description of the people, the manners, the amusements, the ways of Mansfield Park. Susan, who
had an innate taste for the genteel and well-appointed, was eager to hear, and Fanny could not but
indulge herself in dwelling on so beloved a theme. She hoped it was not wrong; though after a time,
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Susan's very great admiration of everything said or done in her uncle's house, and earnest longing to go
into Northamptonshire, seemed almost to blame her for exciting feelings which could not be gratified.
Poor Susan was very little better fitted for home than her elder sister; and as Fanny grew thoroughly to
understand this she began to feel that when her own release from Portsmouth came, her happiness would
have a material drawback in leaving Susan behind. That a girl so capable of being made, everything
good, should be left in such hands, distressed her more and more. Were she likely to have a home to
invite her to, what a blessing it would be! And had it been possible for her to return Mr. Crawford's
regard, the probability of his being very far from objecting to such a measure, would have been the
greatest increase of all her own comforts. She thought he was really good-tempered, and could fancy his
entering into a plan of that sort, most pleasantly.
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Chapter 44
Seven weeks of the two months were very nearly gone, when the one letter, the letter from Edmund so
long expected, was put into Fanny's hands. As she opened and saw its length she prepared herself for a
minute detail of happiness and a profusion of love and praise towards the fortunate creature, who was
now mistress of his fate. These were the contents.
Mansfield Park.
My dear Fanny,
Excuse me that I have not written before. Crawford told me that you were wishing to hear from me, but I
found it impossible to write from London, and persuaded myself that you would understand my
silence. Could I have sent a few happy lines, they should not have been wanting, but nothing of that
nature was ever in my power. I am returned to Mansfield in a less assured state than when I left it. My
hopes are much weaker. You are probably aware of this already. So very fond of you as Miss
Crawford is, it is most natural that she should tell you enough of her own feelings, to furnish a tolerable
guess at mine. I will not be prevented, however, from making my own communication. Our confidences
in you need not clash. I ask no questions. There is something soothing in the idea, that we have the
same friend, and that whatever unhappy differences of opinion may exist between us, we are united in our
love of you. It will be a comfort to me to tell you how things now are, and what are my present plans, if
plans I can be said to have. I have been returned since Saturday. I was three weeks in London, and [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]