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scent of him, the texture of his flesh, the feel of his hair; impossible not to
know.
It had been Julian all along. Hadn't she always known it at some instinctive
level that she hadn't fully trusted? She still didn't know why or how, but he
couldn't deny it now.
And it explained so much of what had happened: Julian's look of guilt and
torment over the hurt he had given her, the haunted look, so full of painful
regret, his anguish over David who had clung to life to see a child that was
not his.
Faith was Julian's baby!
A thrill of happiness swept away all the pain he had given her. What did it
matter now? Her baby the baby .Julian had so desperately wanted to see
born was Julian's child! And Julian really did love both of them. She
couldn't doubt it now.
Robyn recalled his incredulous delight when he had seen the colour of
Faith's hair. What had he felt? That God had forgiven him the deception and
even lent a hand to it Dominique a child of the Lord! The genes had not
come from David but from Wade, grandfather to granddaughter. The
atavistic characteristic coming through with a frequent enough occurrence in
families.
And Julian's breaking down the night David died, grief riddled with the
terrible guilt of months of needless suffering for his brother, because of the
baby he himself had fathered.
Or had David known what Julian had done? How could he have been
deceived? And yet all the evidence seemed to point the other way, that
David had believed Faith was his child! And Julian saying he hoped it had
been right for David, and determined on making it right for her! By marrying
her!
He would try to deny it. She knew he would. Hadn't he already denied it
when she had surprised him that third night in Maui? But she wouldn't let
him get away with it this time.
There could be no holding back now. She couldn't risk Julian pulling away
from her, not mentally, emotionally or physically. No matter what he had
done, she loved him too much to lose him. But he had to tell her the truth
now or there could never be total trust in their relationship.
' Julian...'
'Mmm?' His fingers grazed up and down her spine just as they had done so
long ago.
She kissed him. Then softly, gently, she opened Pandora's box to the light of
truth. 'David is dead, Julian, and the knowledge can't hurt him now. I know it
was you who came to my bedroom at Maui. I know that you are our
daughter's father. So please, don't deny it any longer. It doesn't make any
difference to my loving you.'
His fingers were still. She felt the tension in his body, the sudden rapid beat
of his heart, the slow, controlled expulsion of breath. This is madness,
Robyn,' he said quickly, with attempted lightness. 'What on earth made you
think of such a thing?'
And he moved, rolling her on to her back and propping himself up on his
side to look down at her; instinctively putting himself in the dominant
position. 'After all we've been through, you can't really believe that,' he said
more forcefully.
Robyn could feel the fear behind his defence; the need to keep the status quo
rather than risk a change he couldn't bear. She reached up and stroked his
cheek to impart reassurance. 'Do you love me, Julian?' she asked softly.
'What more can I do to prove it to you?' he said huskily, turning his face to
kiss the palm of her hand.
'Share this with me,' she pressed persuasively. 'Don't keep it to yourself,
Julian. It's too late for that, and it can only hurt both of us if you persist in
lying to me. I promise you it will always remain a secret between us. No one
else need ever know.'
'Robyn...' It was a strangled cry of anguish. He leaned over and kissed her
with a desperation that wanted to wipe everything else out of her mind.
'Don't do this!' he begged hoarsely. 'Leave it be, Robyn.'
'No. You've got to trust me, Julian,' she insisted, calmly and quietly
relentless. It was impossible to retreat now, and she didn't want to. He had to
trust her.
'How can you be so sure?' The words burst from him in pained protest.
'I'm not just sure, Julian. I'm certain.'
She felt him shudder. Then, with a groan, he rolled away from her. His legs
swung out from the bedclothes and he sat hunched on the side of the bed,
defeated by her denial of any doubt whatsoever.
'How long have you known?' His voice was edged with agonised despair.
Robyn hitched herself over to press herself against his back, anxious not to
be separated from him in any way. 'I think I always knew,' she confided. 'But
with certainty only when you made love to me just now.'
He shook his head in anguished defeat. 'How could I not make love to you?
I've wanted, waited so long! I hoped the memory of how it had been might
have diminished. But forgive me, Robyn. I know it's hardly possible, but at
the time I thought it was the only way. And I love you, I love you so much.'
'And I love you,' she assured him, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder.
Another shudder shook his frame and he rose to his feet as if he couldn't bear
her touch or dare to believe her words. 'How can you love me after all I've
done?' he cried, and paced the room, too distraught to be still. 'Robyn, I
know I deceived you, but never again. Never! Never! I swear to you I'll
spend my whole life making up for the pain and agony I've caused you. I
can't live without you, Robyn. Please don't send me away. What can I do?'
'I have no intention of sending you away, Julian,' Robyn cried out, desperate
to appease his anguish. 'I won't ever do that. All I want is to know why. I
want to understand. I realise that you must have done it for your brother, but
why did you take David's place?'
He paused and took a deep breath. 'I found out- after the wedding that
Davey was sterile.'
After the wedding... after all the decisions had been made and arrangements
agreed to, the whole commitment already in train.
'The laboratory accident caused more damage than Davey knew.' Julian
gestured helplessly and moved over to the window, pushing aside the
curtains so that he could look out, look anywhere but at Robyn. But the
moonlight that streamed in was merciless, turning his face into a marble cast
of suffering.
'You remember he was donating his life to science.' The words were pushed
out with difficulty. 'Something prompted me, I don't know what. I rang the
university. I hadn't thought of it before. I suddenly had this premonition and
felt forced to act on it. They told me that he was sterile. There was nothing
anyone could do. Afterwards I made them promise never to reveal the truth
to him.'
Robyn could see the harrowed look on his face, his agony of mind, his guilt.
He shook his head. 'At the time I went to tell him, to tell him that we had to
call the whole thing off, and I couldn't do it. He was so happy, bubbling with
happiness. And then I found out that he expected the baby to be conceived
by artificial insemination.'
'What?' Robyn couldn't help the shocked squeak.
Julian sighed and turned to her. 'Robyn, I hadn't even thought, of the
possibility when I was making all the arrangements with you. Davey was the
scientist. And you hadn't put it into the conditions. It came as a shock to me
too, but it seeded the mad scheme that grew in my mind. At first I tossed it
out as horrendous. But it was possible, you see, if I was ruthless enough. To
pretend to Davey that I would take the sample to you.'
'And use my key and the darkness I insisted upon to do what I expected,'
Robyn finished for him, seeing precisely how her conditions had bolstered
the temptation.
'I didn't stop to think, to work it all out, it was purely instinct. I would
pretend to be Davey, and when you were pregnant he would think it was his
baby, and he would be happy. At the time, I would have done
anything almost anything to make him happy.' His face contorted with [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]